Wow what a ride this has been. I broke my tibia and fibula, they both snapped clean through and the tibia as fractured a second time below the knee almost all the way through. After many hours of surgery I am the proud owner of a fancy titanium rod that runs inside the tibia from knee to ankle. I also have 3 screws below the knee one holding in the rod and the other two holding the fracture together and a fourth screw in my ankle terminating the bottom of the rod.
It took me over a month to figure out what really happened when my leg snapped. I had thought the entire time that I had went up for a rebound, while playing basketball. Thinking this had happened and I just jumped and broke it when I came down really got my anxiety going because that shouldn't happen! I found out a couple weeks ago that the game was tied up and it was game point (end of game), I had the ball and drove in to attempt a lay-up. There was no room so I kept going under the basket for a reverse lay-up. Another player came running in the block my shot and collided with me resulting in me landing on the top of his foot. The snap to follow was deafening! I was wearing an ankle brace to protect my ankles from sprains so the pressure had no where to go but out the side of my leg. I did not understand that the snapping sound was my leg so I tried to walk a few steps on my leg which was dangling because both bones were broke clean through. Finally laying on the ground off the court reality set in and I began to scream! I used the famous F word many many times in the 20 or so minutes it took the ambulance to get there. I even asked some of the other players to put me down as you would a lame horse. I had told them my life was over and I was useless!
The surgery went well and the doctors took good care of me. I had not idea what recovery was going to look like. Talk about being born again. I was like an infant only with out the diapers. I was only able to get out of bed long enough use the bathroom and then crutch my way back to the dark dungeon of a room that I was staying in at my mothers house. At 29 I was back at my moms needing her to take care of me. Humbling!
Being a man raised by a step father who was born in the 50's I had a lot of great ideals like don't ask for help, don't cry, be strong, do everything yourself. These kinds of life skills which use to help men survive but only keep men isolated in the new world were creating. I have been going through a serious process of changing my belief systems but they were not changing fast enough for my body or spirit so they got together and shoved me forward either fly or fall were my options. I had accepted all the changes that came my way because of this blessing in disguise. I had to ask people for rides if I wanted to go somewhere. I couldn't work so I have not paid my bills. I couldn't prepare my own food. I was lonely in the back room. I couldn't even get myself into the bathtub. All of these things I required the help of another. What I discovered is that there are people willing to help and not because they have to but because they love me and want to help. Friends came to my dungeon and visited me. My partner Ashley would come over and lay with me because that's all I could do. I watched a lot of TV and tried to read but I was so depressed I couldn't stay focused, not to mention all the pain medication that I was on!
Since I use to be addicted to pain pills I was frightened that I would get hooked again. But because of all the work I have done on myself I didn't need the pain pills for anything other then pain. They didn't have the same effect on me as before and for that I will be ever grateful to myself for the self seeking I've done and for my spirit that has helped me surmount my addiction.
Being able to ask for help has changed my thoughts so much I feel so much freedom knowing help is out there and I don't have to do this alone. It has not only allowed me to ask for help in the physical but also in the spiritual. I know there are Angels out there watching over me and they are just a prayer away.
I had to put a hold on my Color Therapy work because this work needed to be done before I could move forward in any aspect of my life. But having done this work I feel I am ready to move forward into my new life and this new world that we are all creating together. I will be certified and working with in a couple months! Can't wait! Maybe I can work with some of you?
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